8 | Which Side Do You Lean?

Welcome back.

For the next week’s session we are going to focus on you.

Because here's what most leaders miss: the first step in any cultural shift starts with the leader. It's an inside-out process. Before you can build camaraderie on your team, you need to understand your own tendencies and blind spots.

Yes, every team has a tendency or leaning toward either relationship or mission—but that comes from the collection of individual people's tendencies, especially yours as the leader.

Your natural inclination shapes everything: who you hire, what you prioritize in meetings, how you spend your one-on-one time, and what behaviors you unconsciously reward or ignore.

Know Your Tendency: The Leadership Mirror

Every leader has a natural pull toward either mission or relationship. Neither is wrong, but both create predictable blind spots if left unchecked.

The Mission-Driven Leader

You might be mission-driven if:

• You start meetings with agenda items, not personal check-ins

• You feel energized by strategy sessions and progress updates

• You get impatient with "small talk" and want to "get to work"

• You hire primarily for competence and results

• You measure success through metrics and outcomes

Your superpower: You create clarity, drive, and momentum. Teams know what they're building and why it matters.

Your blind spot: Without intentionality, you'll build a team culture that feels like coworkers rather than comrades. People will be aligned on the work but won't know each other as humans.

What your team experiences: Efficient meetings, clear expectations, strong results—but little emotional connection or psychological safety.

The Relationship-Driven Leader

You might be relationship-driven if:

• You naturally start conversations with "How are you really doing?"

• You remember personal details about your team members' lives

• You feel energized by team bonding activities and deeper conversations

• You hire for cultural fit and personality

• You measure success through engagement and team satisfaction

Your superpower: You create connection, trust, and loyalty. People feel seen, valued, and genuinely cared for.

Your blind spot: Without intentionality, you'll build a team culture that feels like friends hanging out rather than comrades. Great relationships but unclear direction.

What your team experiences: Strong connections, high trust, people who enjoy being together—but potentially unclear goals or lack of urgency around impact.

The Four Team Cultures You Create

As a leader, your tendency directly shapes which quadrant your team naturally gravitates toward:

Quadrant 1: COWORKERS (High Mission, Low Relationship)

The Mission-Driven Leader's Default

What you've unconsciously built:

• Meetings that are all business, no personal connection

• Team members who don't know each other beyond work roles

• Efficient but emotionally distant working relationships

• Clear goals but little vulnerability or trust

Quadrant 2: FRIENDS (High Relationship, Low Mission)

The Relationship-Driven Leader's Default

What you've unconsciously built:

• Lots of connection but unclear direction

• Team members who love each other but lack shared purpose

• Great culture but potentially inconsistent results

• High engagement but low urgency

Quadrant 3: ACQUAINTANCES (Low Mission, Low Relationship)

The Distracted Leader's Default

What you've unconsciously built:

• The dreaded "high school reunion" feeling

• People who don't know each other and aren't united around anything

• Forced interactions that feel awkward

• Looking backward instead of forward

Quadrant 4: COMRADES (High Mission, High Relationship)

The Intentional Leader's Goal

What you intentionally build:

• Deep trust AND compelling shared purpose

• People who know each other as humans AND are united around meaningful work

• Natural collaboration without ego or competition

• Loyalty that goes beyond convenience

Your Leadership Development Plan

Step 1: Diagnose Your Tendency

Take 60 seconds right now:

Rate yourself honestly (1-10):

• Mission Clarity: How clear and compelling is the shared purpose you've created for your team?

• Relationship Depth: How well do you know your team members as people beyond their work?

Which side do you naturally gravitate toward?

Step 2: Acknowledge Your Blind Spot

If you're mission-driven: Your team likely operates like efficient coworkers. They know what to do but may not feel deeply connected to each other or psychologically safe with you.

If you're relationship-driven: Your team likely feels like close friends. They trust each other but may lack clarity about the bigger picture or feel unclear about priorities.

Step 3: Build Your Opposite Muscle

For Mission-Driven Leaders - Build Relationship Intentionally:

In Your 1-on-1s:

• Start with 3-5 minutes of genuine personal check-in before work topics

• Ask follow-up questions about things they mentioned last week

• Share something personal about yourself first to model vulnerability

In Your Team Meetings:

• Allow natural banter in the first few minutes

• Have everyone share a recent win (personal or professional)

• Create space for affirmations based on team values

In Your Hiring:

• Add relationship-builders to your team—people who naturally connect and create psychological safety

• Look for both competence AND emotional intelligence

For Relationship-Driven Leaders - Build Mission Intentionally:

In Your Meetings:

• Begin each meeting with 3 minutes of vision—what you're building toward

• Link current tasks to the bigger picture and why the work matters

• Set meaningful deadlines that create healthy urgency

In Your 1-on-1s:

• Connect individual work to how it serves people outside your team

• Establish clear roles so everyone knows how they contribute

• Have team members bring customer/community impact stories

In Your Communication:

• Regularly communicate the "why" behind decisions and priorities

• Create clarity around vision, strategy, and individual roles

• Celebrate mission-related wins, not just relationship milestones

The Integration Secret

Here's what separates great leaders from good ones: self-awareness, social awareness, and emotional awareness.

Without these, your camaraderie-building efforts become hollow activities that waste time without creating genuine connection.

Self-awareness: How am I showing up? What am I bringing to this interaction? What's my natural tendency, and how is it serving or limiting my team?

Social awareness: What's happening with each person on my team? What do they need right now? How are they responding to my leadership style?

Emotional awareness: What's the emotional temperature of my team? How can I create both safety and challenge? Am I building connection or just going through the motions?

Your Next Step

This week, pick ONE specific action based on your tendency diagnosis:

If you're mission-driven: Schedule 15 minutes before your next team meeting for relationship-building. Ask each person to share one thing happening in their life outside of work.

If you're relationship-driven: Start your next team meeting with 5 minutes of vision casting. Connect current projects to the bigger impact you're creating together.

If you're unsure: Ask your team for feedback. "On a scale of 1-10, how well do you feel I know you as a person? How clear are you on our shared mission and your role in it?"

Remember: You're not trying to become someone else. You're developing your opposite muscle while leveraging your natural strengths. The goal is integrated leadership that builds both relationship and mission.

Culture starts with you. When you lead from both mission and relationship, you give your team permission to do the same.