21 | One Practical Language Shift to Build a Culture of Honor

Read the lesson.

Welcome back. Today I’m going to give you a few language shifts that you can apply right away. I really want to make sure that these concepts don’t just stay concepts, but that they land, they ground themselves in your actions. I want to make sure that you’re mind is all-in on honor and that you’re actions are also so clear that you know exactly how to put this into practice every single day.

So here’s what we’re going to get really clear on today:

honor who people are, before you honor what they do.

So whether you’re a leader or a teammate,

you have the opportunity to build up someone else’s true inner confidence

on the sturdy foundation of who they are.

By honoring who they are.

Every person on the planet has this opportunity in front of them, but very few step into it.

And you’re going to become one of the few.

And by doing so you’re going to change every room you walk into.

So we’re talking about a way of relating with others

BOTH when they’re meeting all your expectations and trust comes easy,

as well as when they’re not meeting expectations and trust has been lost.

Let’s dive in with an example:

Let’s say you have someone you work with

and they’re really struggling recently for some reason.

Your language could look like this:

“Hey, you’re an extremely creative thinker and i appreciate how your mind approaches things.

The last two drafts you submitted this past week were not at the level we needed.

Can you re-work them and make these changes?”

A simple one phrase sentence recognizing something about who they are at the beginning.

Once again, honoring WHO they are, before you address WHAT they do.

Imagine taking that sentence out and simply saying:

“Hey, the last two drafts you submitted this past week were not at the level we needed.

Can you re-work them and make these changes?”

To be honest, not that big of a difference in this one moment.

But imagine if this happens week over week, month over month. year over year.

The only thing that’s discussed is actions, performance, what they do.

Do you see how that can build a conditional type culture?

Let’s take it the other way:

You’re working with someone on your team and they’re going above and beyond and exceeding all of your expectations.

The temptation to create a conditional culture still exists in this scenario as well.

If you only ever comment on what they do, and never reinforce aspects of who they are.

Your language could look like this:

“Hey, you’re an extremely creative thinker and I appreciate how your mind approaches things.

The last two drafts you submitted this past week went above and beyond all expectations. And here’s why: you brought creativity and a unique approach to solving a problem we were all stumped by.”

You still recognized what they did, but you provided cushion around it that reinforce their character and who they are as well.

. . .

Okay let’s imagine taking out the “who they are” parts:

It’d sound like this: “The last two drafts you submitted this past week went above and beyond my expectations.”

Okay once again - not that big of a difference.

But the only thing being honored or celebrated is a good result;

not even the character traits that actually produced the result.

So even with a positive, honoring statement,

we’re still building a conditional culture that builds a team environment focused on results and performance,

rather than the cause of the results (which are the character traits of creativity and amazing problem solving.)

Let’s shift gears a bit.

We’ve all worked for that boss or played for that coach who,

depending on how much value you brought to the team,

treated you a certain way.

if you were underperforming, it’s like you didn’t exist or you’re the scum of the earth.

On the other hand, if you’re performing well, your ego gets boosted in a weird way that makes you want to perform to gain approval from them again.

It’s like a weird drug.

This is a conditional culture:

a culture where you feel the pressure to perform to belong.

This environment does not create winning teams.

And it really wastes a lot of energy

because team members in this culture, are wasting their energy

trying to gain approval for themselves,

rather than showing up ready to give all of themselves and improve.

If you want to be a game changer culture builder,

incorporate honoring language on your team.

Don’t over do it. We’re not looking to create a rainbow and butterflies culture.

We’re looking to reinforce confidence in our identities.

This is going to be especially hard when you lose trust in someone.

You’re going to want to say things that dishonor who they are.

But if we keep the focus of honor, we’re going to slowly start cutting that language out about other people.

And that gossip culture will die with it if we focus on honoring who they are.

Here’s the exciting thing: when the people on your team start having their confidence built up on sturdy ground,

the degree you can have more and more of those honest, challenging conversations about their performance will increase.

This is how “thick skin” is made!

Sometimes we as leaders avoid having challenging conversation because we don’t think someone can take it.

This is still creating a conditional culture!

Because no one is gaining experience failing at something and still belonging.

The way to build up weak characters in your team or organization is to build up their character in a true source of confidence: in who they are.

If you want a team of resilient people who can handle honest feedback and care about performing well, build the armor of their character up.

Create an environment where calling people up is normal.

If they miss the mark, affirm who they are, and talk honestly about WHAT they are doing that isn’t hitting the mark.

That’s a culture of honor.

Honoring who people are,

even when we’ve lost trust in what they do.

Here’s another way to put it:

When someone under performs on a team with a culture of honor,

not one negative word is said about their character.

If anything the leaders of that team speak into their character even more.

Things like this are said:

“You know what, Justin didn’t have his best week this week,

But i know what’s in him. He’s determined, disciplined and will figure it out.”

That type of language on your team is powerful!

Whether that person hears those words or not,

that just shifted the culture more towards a culture of honor.

Your words about someone’s character, matter.

And you’re becoming someone that really chooses what language you use.

In doing so, you’re building up an unshakable culture of honor.

On that note,

that’s all for today.

I’ll see you soon.