Honor Part 4

You will rise to the level you honor yourself.

Perhaps you found it difficult to find words to describe who you are or your character in the last session.

Building a culture of honor starts with the daily practice of honoring self,

and that’s what we just tested out in the last session.

When you do something that exceeds your expectations, honor yourself by not only focusing on what you did, but find words to celebrate and deepen your clarity on WHO you are.

When you do something that you’re not proud of, instead of going down the shame spiral, simply course correct by reminding yourself of WHO you are, and take a next step accordingly.

Honoring self in a sense is staying “in character”

and we can’t stay in a character we don’t know.

It’s really surprising to me, the amount of leaders I work with that don’t really know themselves.

They’ve never been given space to explore WHO they are. They’ve just mimicked whoever they’ve been inspired by and reactively leveled up.

So here’s what we’re going to focus on today to really support you in honoring yourself.

And that’s to help you get a bit more clear on WHO you are.

All so that when you do something you’re not proud of, you can remind yourself of who you are and take your next step.

Or when you exceed. your expectations, you identify your character growth on the inside while also recognizing the external results you just accomplished.

Honoring who you are also isn’t about boosting your ego.

We’re talking about tapping into identity here. Your true identity.

As a person unlike any other person on the planet.

A person with a unique make up, a unique wiring, a unique personality, a purpose, a story,

feelings, thoughts, dreams, losses, fears, hope, faith.

Who you are.

HONORING SELF INVOLVES SHOWING UP FOR YOURSELF. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Action is required, but our thoughts are the starting point.

So let me give you an example:

I’ve had the chance to work with professional athletes.

I know that may be different than the world you live in,

But let’s see if this example resonates.

So when I’m talking about professional athletes building a culture of honor for their team,

I’m talking about an atmosphere that is entirely about performance.

I’m talking about athletes that have been under worldwide pressure with millions of eyes watching them.

Some of these athletes have been alternates on an olympic team,

meaning they were one roster spot away from going to the olympics.

One roster spot was the difference between them sitting on their couch at home WATCHING the olympic coverage and them being IN the gold medal match.

and that roster spot was determined by stat lines of performance.

So i get it.

Performance is a reality between your spot on the team that you want. and not.

Performance is a reality between the job you want. and the job you didn’t get.

Performance is a reality for bringing a paycheck home to take care of your family

and here’s the point:

Performance is actually unlocked when our mindset has a solid foundation in WHO we are. not just WHAT we do.

The athletes that leaned in with me on this were the ones that went on to actually perform at a higher level.

Why?

Because they began to stand, live from an unshakeable foundation of identity.

Here’s the example i want to share with you.

One athlete I started working with: at the beginning of our time together, I asked her who she was. and she said, "I’m the middle blocker on the US women’s national team."

Okay, i responded with clarifying, "That’s what you do. but who are you?"

It was tough. Her mindset had only ever been focused on what she did.

Which is fine, but we’re looking to level up performance and unlock a culture of team members that thrives.

So a few months of working on her self-leadership, her mindset, with the goal of her beginning to function from a place of honoring who she was, instead of honoring only what she did,

[because here’s what she needed]

She needed to increase her consistency in her performance on the court.

She needed to increase her consistency in her leadership.

But her mindset and emotions were all over the place.

They ebbed and flowed based on how her performance was doing.

So we went over what we’re talking about here.

Yes, it’s easy to place all of our identity in what we do.

But we worked to embrace the truth, that she is more than what she does.

So …. at some point as we were getting closer to the next upcoming olympics,

I asked her again, "Tell me WHO you are."

And her answer started shifting to

I’m enough

I’m a fierce competitor,

I’m an undeniably trustable teammate,

I’m the type of person who believes personal legend doesn’t happen on accident,

Powerful.

These are the moments where culture of honor are born.

A male athlete I had the honor of working with:

Here’s the type of identity statements he mapped out for himself:

I’m a pursuer of potential, in both myself and others

I’m a man who persists in the face of adversity

I live for moments that require all of me

I’m the kind of athlete who plays in such a way you can’t tell if i’m winning or losing.

Once again, this is where culture of honor is born

So do you see what’s happening?

When these leaders shifted to defining who they are through an honoring lens,

Whether they win the gold medal match or not.

Whether they have a bad game or not.

Whether they’re on the team or not.

WHO they are still hasn’t shifted.

It’s rock solid ground.

A foundation they can rely on.

The accusing narratives like “I’m not capable. I’m worthless to this team” have less of a chance to take up space in your head when you’ve already established “No, this is who I am. I’m a fierce competitor. I am committed to building my personal legend. I’m a game changer of a teammate.”

The strongest mentally fit athlete I ever worked with:

He didn’t make the 2000 Sydney olympics. He was one of those alternates that watched his team get on a flight to head to the olympics and while he watched his team compete on tv, he was back home training by himself.

But here’s what happened.

He remained focused on acting/on living from a place of who he was.

and he stuck with it.

He ended up making the 2004 olympics.

and the 2008 olympics.

and the 2012 olympics.

and the 2016 olympics.

If you asked him who he was today:

he would not say I’m a 4 time olympian.

He would say

I’m a pursuer of potential, in both myself and others

I’m a man who persists in the face of adversity

I live for moments that require all of me.

He never let his performance dictate who he was.

He made sure that his performance, his actions, WERE dictated BY WHO he was.

He’s told me stories, that the lowest moments he’s had,

or the highest pressure moments he’s had,

he would always grab his journal, find a local coffee shop.

and over a few cappuccinos, he’d remind himself of who he was …

and in the matter of an hour, he refocused, got right with himself and headed back to it.

Here’s where I want you to start:

Ask yourself the question “Who am I?"

And this isn’t just about who you are outside of work.

This is who are you inside of work?

Because it’s in our passion where we find the deepest part of ourselves.

Also, don’t just go with your first answers - go a bit deeper.

Actually wait to feel something in your gut, that inspires you, wakes you up.

If you’re having a hard time - think about your most character defining moments

the moments you’re most proud of, fulfilled by.

Moments where you felt most alive and like yourself

and see if you can pick up on what’s beneath the surface of that.

Write “who you are” down. Keep it in front of you. Keep it close to you. Keep it in that journal by your desk.

And when you have out of character moments,

or a bad “performance” day

pick up that journal, read through it,

remind yourself of who you are, and then go be that person.

My highest recommendation for you as a leader building a culture of honor:

spend ten minutes every single day for the rest of your life just thinking about who you are.

See if you can get more clear. See if you can remind yourself. See if you can deepen the roots of knowing who you are.

Ten minutes.

Every day.

Honoring others starts with the commitment to honoring ourselves.

Honoring WHO you are.

Okay that’s all for today. Step back into your day. I’ll see you soon.