17 | Dishonor Is Sneaky

Read the lesson here

Welcome back. At minimum culture of honor is when you leave a room and you trust that people are going to talk about you in such a way everyone else in the room gains respect for you.

I remember a true culture of honor i experienced was at Clemson University.

I was invited to live in a house right on campus with a few other girls and the culture these girls built in this house, among their friend group and the athletic teams they were on. I’ll never forget. They truly gave me a gift of what experiencing a culture of honor was like.

And it’s really simple.

They never once said a dishonoring word about another person on the planet.

Even people they were hurt by or offended by.

Not .. one.. word.

It was the craziest thing i’ve ever seen in my life.

Here’s the other thing.

The way they talked about people - you wanted to meet everyone they talked about.

It sounds like it was a hippy rainbows and butterflies thing but it was so much deeper.

It was a culture of honor.

If you can imagine - knowing that if you left the room and they were talking about you - they were lifting you up or “bigging you up.”

It’s like they each understood the drama of gossip, and downlplaying others is simply a waste of time and just a reflection of your own self worth.

they build this type of culture in a real authentic way.

We all know fake affirmation can be sniffed out miles away.

So that’s why culture of honor is so powerful.

It’s roots are so deep. It’s real. It’s authentic.

So let’s for a second talk about the opposite:

Most environments make you ask the questions:

“Am I being talked about negatively when I’m not around?”

Here’s a recent example i heard last week:

I was speaking with an executive leader and he was telling me about a conversation that he just had at a conference with another CEO of another well known company. This CEO was dishonoring a peer that they both knew. (by the way this peer goes back close to two decades with this CEO. They were even in the military together!)

And the executive I was speaking with knows about culture of honor and we have that shared language. He was reflecting on this conversation he had and said, “So anytime I see someone dishonor someone that they have a long background with, I’m made to leave wondering - well he must talk about my like that when i’m not around.”

And i said, “Exactly.”

Gossip, slander, is the enemy of culture of honor.

Here’s the weird thing

Gossip feels connecting in the moment.

It feels like camaraderie -

but it’s twisted camaraderie.

True camaraderie (which we’ll get to next month) is about being in relationship towards a mission we are for.

This gossipy fake camaraderie is simply connecting over something or someone we’re against.

It’s not helping the world. If anything it’s hurting the world because of the horrible culture it’s creating.

It creates a lack of safety in the culture.

The leader I was speaking with actually said that there was a potential profitable business deal that was put on the table. He denied it because of the lack of safety he felt in this potential partnership.

Choosing to honor someone in a conversation is not just about being nice and doing the right thing. It’s so much deeper. It’s a needed piece to strategic teamwork, strategic partnerships.

..

So let’s flip the script to the opposite:

Here’s the best compliment I’ve ever given anyone and probably the best comment I will ever give anyone.

I’ve told two people this my entire life. That’s how rare this type of person is:

“You’ve put up with more than anyone and honored them every moment.”

..

So for you:

I hope you know what it’s like to have one person,

one friend in your life to show you what this is like.

To have someone in your life model what it looks like to never say one negative word about anyone.

To only ever speak about others with either positivity or being neutral.

The feeling of safety… is immeasurable.

Knowing that even if you offend them, disappoint them, they will never ever talk about you in a dishonoring light.

They will never spread a negative narrative about you.

…

And here’s the invitation: You can do this. You can be that friend to those you’re around.

There’s something powerful that happens when I watch someone be dishonored, and they don’t react. They let it go right through them, because they have so much true honor in themselves. They see everyone else in the world through that light - as important people, worthy of honor no matter what.

To see people, even when they get offended, process what happened but keep it about themselves, never dishonoring whoever offended them.

This is the opportunity we have in front of us.

I’m going to really show you how to do this in the next two months, especially month 3 with healthy conflict.

But for now, be inspired by.

If you have someone in your life that has shown you what honor no matter what looks like, go thank them.

If you have a friend that you’ve never heard gossip or slander anyone.

They probably don’t even realize they’re doing it.

But thank them regardless. They are a gift to this world.

On that note. That’s all for today.

I’ll see you soon.