9 | The 5 Gears

Read the lesson.

Welcome back. Whether you're new to leadership or you've been guiding teams for decades, I want to share a powerful framework that will transform how you build camaraderie both at work and at home.

It’s called the 5 gears. It’s a framework and book written by Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram. The book is titled The 5 Gears - How to be Present and Productive at Home and at Work When there’s Never Enough Time.

The 5 Gears is a tool that helps you to become more self-aware. Which is our goal. In the last session we really focused on you becoming more aware of which side you lean more towards when it comes to camaraderie. Either mission or relationship.

The 5 gears tool is another tool that not only helps you become more self-aware but can also serve as a language you share with those at home and at work.

Let’s dive in!

Have you ever noticed, you can spend an hour getting coffee with someone, go through all the motions of relationship-building, and actually leave more disconnected than when you started. Why? Because building authentic camaraderie requires self-awareness.

You leaving interactions drained and disconnected - doesn’t have to happen anymore.

And this doesn’t require you waiting on other people to change.

It involves you being more self-aware, more present, more engaged.

And the 5 gears is going to help with that.

The Gears

For starters, most leaders try to build camaraderie without self-awareness, without really knowing what the “room” needs, what the people on your team need, and most importantly, what you as the leader need.

That may sound self-centered - but imagine a leader that expresses frustration all the time - and despite trying to help curb that frustration - no one can. Why is that? It’s because the leader isn’t clear on what they need or what they want.

That’s why leaders who only ever identify what the room needs, what the team needs, what the family needs are setting themselves up for failure. Because they’ve skipped the most important step - clarifying what they need.

You getting clear on what you need is like you identifying what gear you are in. And, based on where you want to go, what gear you need to shift to.

Think about your car for a moment. You shift gears based on what the situation requires. You wouldn't try to start in fifth gear or cruise on the highway in first. Yet in our interactions with people, we constantly find ourselves in the wrong gear at the wrong time.

Let me walk you through the 5 Gears:

Fifth Gear - Focus Mode. You're "in the zone," fully immersed in a project. Headphones on, door closed, deep work happening. This is an essential gear, but problems arise when you engage with people while still mentally in fifth gear.

Fourth Gear - Task Mode. Your productivity gear - checking off to-dos, managing email, handling the everyday business of work. You're engaged, but mainly focused on completion.

Third Gear - Social Mode. Casual conversation - "how was your weekend" talk before meetings, chitchat, friendly banter. This gear builds basic rapport and psychological safety.

Second Gear - Connect Mode. This is where deeper relationships form. Meaningful conversations where you're fully present, listening to understand, asking thoughtful questions. This is where true camaraderie develops.

First Gear - Recharge Mode. Rest, recovery, renewal. Often the most neglected gear, yet it powers all the others.

And Reverse Gear - Apologize or Healthy Conflict Mode. "I'm sorry I was still in fifth gear during our conversation. Can we start again? I want to be fully present with you."

THE CONNECTION

Here's the connection: Mission-focused people typically default to fifth and fourth gears. They're comfortable with focus and tasks but need to intentionally downshift to build relationships.

Relationship-focused people prefer third and second gears. They excel at connection but might need to deliberately upshift for deep work.

Let me give you a few examples.

You’re a mission driven person and default more to that fourth and fifth gear. You take a trip home to see family and realize about one day into this trip (a trip you’ve been really looking forward to) that you feel a low hum of anxiousness. Then you realize, you’ve been in 3rd gear for the last 24 hours and haven’t accomplished any tangible work. However, because you’re self-aware, you remind yourself that the mission, the work, the progress will be there for you come Monday, the fourth and fifth gears will be there come Monday, and you choose to take a breath, relax, go slower, lean into relationship, lean into those lower gears and embrace a different type of progress. A relational type of progress, where connection grows, conversations have space to ebb and flow and you’re more of a human being than a human doing. Do you see how this simple self-awareness tool can help? (just within your own self talk and mind)

Let’s look at another example?

Your team just hit a major deadline. Everyone's been in fourth and fifth gears for weeks, heads down, getting work done. The project launches successfully, but there's no celebration, no acknowledgment. People feel used, not valued.

A gear-aware leader recognizes the need to intentionally downshift after launch - maybe gathering the team for a celebratory evening dinner in third gear, followed by a meaningful debrief conversation in second gear where people can share their experiences over dessert.

Or think about this at home. You come home still processing a work challenge - you're stuck in fifth gear. Your spouse or child wants to share something important with you. They need you in second gear, but you're mentally still at work. Instant disconnection.

Being gear-aware means saying, "I need fifteen minutes to transition from work, then I want to give you my full attention." Then actually downshifting.

THE CHALLENGE

The wrong gear at the wrong time damages camaraderie. When your body is present but your mind isn't, people notice - and they interpret it as a statement about their importance to you.

For example, my husband and I use this tool all the time. If I walk into the kitchen, and he’s at the counter working, sometimes I can’t tell if he’s in that third gear mode just looking for a podcast to listen to while he cooks dinner or if he’s in fifth gear mode prepping a series for his business. So I just ask him, “Are we in fifth gear?” And if he says yes I don’t start up that low hum of conversation. I let him keep focusing knowing when he’s finished, we’ll connect. But imagine if I blasted into the room, not aware of which gear he’s in, and just started listing out things I’d like to get done this weekend. If he’s in that fifth gear, I just disrupted his train of thought and his response probably won’t be one of connection, therefore our conversation in that moment won’t move forward in connection.

So right now, I want you to do two things:

First, identify your gear defaults. Which gears do you naturally prefer? Mission-focused leaders, you probably love fourth and fifth gear. Relationship-focused leaders, you're probably most comfortable in second and third.

Second, think about your next important interaction today. What gear would be most effective? What gear will you naturally default to? What specific action will help you shift to the right gear?

Maybe you need to build five-minute buffers between meetings to downshift. Maybe you need to close your laptop during one-on-ones to be fully in second gear. Maybe you need to block genuine focus time where fifth gear is appropriate.

Remember, you're not building a masterpiece that demands attention. You're cultivating a garden. You’re creating spaces where people can relax, open up, dream, and do their best work together.

The goal isn't perfection, it’s a practice you’re building. Every day you get to check in - tap into some awareness and intentionality.

Every day you get to build camaraderie one percent at a time through small, aware, intentional actions.

When you inevitably find yourself in the wrong gear, there's always reverse.

Which gear will you choose for your next interaction? I’d love to hear. Click the chat button. Really, I’d love to hear from you!