4 | Why We Need Both

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Welcome back.

Today we're exploring what happens when camaraderie is NOT being built actively on a daily basis.

In the last two sessions we took a deeper look into connection via relationships and connection via mission, and the magic that happens when we have connection with others that includes both the commitment to relationship (to care for, protect, defend) and the commitment to mission (to serve a greater purpose together outside of benefiting just ourselves).

And now we’re going to approach camaraderie from a different angle.

Through the angle of what to own when teams, families, communities don’t invest in building true camaraderie.

The type of culture teams lacking camaraderie drift into is what we’re going to call a siloed culture.

Here's the surprising thing: Even teams that honor who people are daily (which we explored last month) and embrace healthy conflict (which we'll dive into next month)—that team culture will still drift away from strength and become siloed.

Members of this team, community, or family will feel alone, distant from those around them. Yes, they may feel honored for who they are, and yes, there's healthy conflict—but there's still this missing piece of truly being a team.

What's worse, the ability to practice honor and healthy conflict is actually compromised when camaraderie is missing.

What Siloed Culture Feels Like

A siloed culture is a team environment where you're still alone even though you're part of a team.

You still need to figure things out alone. You are still in your problems alone. Ultimately, you are alone on mission.

I've been part of teams where I've felt this, and it's one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced.

Two Sides of the Same Problem

Let me share two examples from teams I've been on that felt siloed—each leaning toward opposite sides of the spectrum.

High Relationship, Low Mission Clarity

I remember one team where we seemed to be great friends, but when it came to the work of the mission, I felt isolated. Very much alone in the mission.

It felt like a hangout culture because we had the relational aspect down, but the mission was missing. More specifically, clarity of mission was missing (which we'll get to in later months).

Fortunately, because we had tools to help us become aware, we were able to course correct. We launched a six-month campaign called "Healthy and Clear."

This was a simple fix because we were leaders open to learning and making adjustments to create true camaraderie.

We had great relationships. We played volleyball together every Sunday. We hosted dinners and game nights at each other's homes constantly. We went on trips together. We even had an inspiring mission we were all bought into.

Clarity was the missing piece. We had a reactive culture of pursuing one idea after another with little follow-through and no north star to rally around.

Once we recognized this, owned our gap, found guides to help us, and put in the work to create clarity, it unlocked tremendous momentum.

These rhythms of clarity is what we’ll get to in the Team Clarity month. So stay tuned for that!

High Mission, Low Relationship

Let me share another example—a team that leaned the opposite direction. High mission, but low relationship.

I was surrounded by teammates with extremely high work ethic, but there was no relationship at all.

I noticed this early and, to be honest, had to be really patient with the process of building relationships.

Asking them to go on walks, grab coffee, or come over for dinner wasn't trusted at first. But slowly, as I gained trust through the mission side of the company, openness to relationship started to grow.

With patience came creativity. I knew that for true camaraderie to be built, we needed both mission and relationship.

Here are two quiet pivots I discovered through that patience and creativity:

First, I found out that one teammate preferred hosting at her house rather than going somewhere else. So instead of inviting her out for coffee, walks, or dinner, I asked if she could host the team for lunch every Friday. She totally embraced it.

Second, when we were between two candidates for a new hire, I fought for the candidate who was more of a relational leader. She worked hard but had this incredible gift of connecting with people, building rapport quickly, and creating genuine conversation and laughter. Bringing her onto the team immediately shifted the tone to include more relational connection.

Looking back, without her on the team, we definitely felt more like silos. But with her, we would all describe our time together as true comrades.

Understanding Camaraderie Through Examples

Let me use some familiar examples to illustrate what camaraderie looks like—and what it doesn't.

Camaraderie = Mission + Relationship

When people are pursuing a shared mission together AND have a sense of relationship, you get camaraderie.

The Ocean's 11 Example

Ocean's 11.

A suave con man assembles a team of 11 specialists. His team is diverse and random, but they all pull together to execute a mission. Everyone has a unique part to play—every character has purpose. They're all giving up something, exposing themselves to risk, for the sake of the mission.

The ending scene is one of my favorites. They've finished the mission and are lined up watching the famous choreographed water fountain display at the Bellagio. No one's talking. They're just together. Smiling. Feeling the camaraderie of having accomplished something together that they couldn't have done if even one person was missing.

One by one, they peel off, and you can tell they all feel friendship from having performed this mission together.

The "Friends" Example

When you only have relational connection, you don't have camaraderie—you're just friends. You're alone in mission.

The TV show Friends gives away its culture in the name itself. This group has high relationship and low mission.

Nothing wrong with that—it's why we love the show. But they lack a clear shared mission. The plot centers solely around their relationships. They're not getting together to accomplish something that serves people outside themselves.

Since mission involves serving a purpose outside of self—helping others, serving a cause bigger than your team—we can't call their culture true camaraderie.

The James Bond Example

James Bond and Jason Bourne movies show high mission with virtually no relationships.

When you only have mission connection, you don't have camaraderie—you're just coworkers. You're alone in relationship.

These characters function alone rather than with others. Their storylines actually reveal why camaraderie is hard to build—it requires trust, vulnerability, and accepting pain. When you're on mission with someone, you choose to lean on and trust them. When they break that trust or when you expose them to risk, the pain and heartbreak can be incredibly difficult.

So these characters choose to do life and mission alone. They execute at a high level, but they're extremely lonely.

Key Takeaways

Here's what we learn from these examples:

A culture missing camaraderie feels isolated or siloed. You feel alone even when you're part of a team. The loneliness comes from being alone either in mission or in relationships.

The first step is awareness. Which side of camaraderie do you find lacking—mission or relationship?

We can't address gaps we won't acknowledge. Replace judgment with neutral curiosity and get honest about where your culture currently stands.

That's all for today. I'll see you soon!