2 | Why We Need Relationship

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Welcome back. Today we're going to dive into why we need relationships. In the first lesson of this month we clarified camaraderie is simply when a team has connection in both relationship and mission. Today we’re diving into why we need relationships. Tomorrow we’ll dive into why we need mission.

And before you skip to the next lesson because you might have already made the assumption you know why we need relationships, bear with me.

I'm going to share a vision with you that has inspired me for years in how to think about relationship through the lens of camaraderie.

On that not, let’s dive in.

Have you ever seen a herd of elephants respond to an attack from hyenas or another predator?

If not, allow me to describe it for you.

Whenever an external threat approaches a herd of elephants, you'll see the all the elephants rally together and start forming a circle with their backs to one another.

Immediately and without hesitation.

The larger, more dominant elephants on the outer rim and the older elephants and smaller babies of the herd in the center.

In essence, they form a circle of safety.

It’s magnificent to watch.

It’s like watching the truest essence of team.

The truest essence of camaraderie.

I have your back. And you have my back.

We’re going to handle this threat - by sticking together.

Here’s what doesn't happen - the elephants don’t all start running.

They don’t retreat. They don’t separate. They do not scatter.

Comparatively, imagine how sheep respond to external threats.

They scatter the minute they feel threatened.

Meaning when they feel a threat, they only think to defend themselves.

Where elephants.

They do the exact opposite.

They rally together.

Automatically.

And here’s why.

They carry the essence of team, of comrades.

It’s in their DNA to know

the way to handle this external threat is by doing it together.

Their way of thinking is on behalf of the herd. Never just self.

How beautiful is that?

Their way of thinking is on behalf of the herd. Never just self.

The nature of elephants is sacrifice, vulnerability, trust.

Sacrifice in the sense of "I'm not going to just think about protecting myself. I'm going to think about protecting others."

Vulnerable in the sense that by allowing someone else to protect my back, I’m also giving them the ability to not protect my back.

Trust in the sense that I’m still choosing to give others the opportunity to have my back.

When the elephants start backing up to one another to form a circle and face outward—they're putting their own back into the hands of the elephants behind them.

If the elephant behind me chooses to act selfishly and run off, I'm now no longer protected. But I'm choosing to trust they have my back, and I'm going to take care of them by taking care of anything in front of me.

And because what’s behind me is being taken care of, I can place all my focus and energy on what’s in front of me.

And this is where high performance comes from. This is where each elephants ability to focus all their energy on what’s in front of them comes from.

Teams perform better, when they sense a circle of safety around them.

People focus better, when they know someone else has their back.

You on a team where you feel safe, knowing you will always be protected by comrades around you, gives you more mental, emotional energy and capacity to focus on your role, your work, what’s in front of you to take care of.

The elephant herd knows and believes the best chance for them to thrive,

to survive, to handle external threats, is through the strength of the internal team.

The degree we protect one another, defend one another—the degree of our own team's inner strength—is the way we will handle both external obstacles and external opportunities.

It's not by one leader carrying the load.

It's not by splitting up.

It's by sticking together and choosing to embrace sacrifice, vulnerability, and trust.

It's by me counting on you and you counting on me.

And here’s the thing to go ahead and make clear:

Without everyone being all in on this game plan, it doesn’t work.

If someone chooses to split off, and leave someone else’s back exposed,

now there’s lack of safety. Now there’s one individual who isn’t safe and now is made to only watch out for themselves.

And a ripple effect happens.

This is why culture of honor is the one and only starting point.

Dishonor leads to disconnection.

Disconnection means I’m not part of the group anymore.

I have to think of myself.

Because no one has my back.

It is now entirely up to me to defend myself.

And consequentially, 100% of my energy, efforts, thoughts and actions are towards myself.

And sometimes people are forced out of the “circle of safety” through gossip,

and sometimes people choose to isolate.

Sometimes people choose to take themselves out of the group,

and ultimately choose not to protect the herd,

because trusting that the herd has my back and can protect me is scary.

And let’s be honest,

how often do we lean into this lone ranger type of isolation?

How often do we choose to go it alone?

How often do we choose to protect ourselves and never give anyone else the opportunity protect us?

How often do we position ourselves to only think of ourselves and mine out any capacity to think of others.

Team is becoming more and more of a lost art.

It used to be the only way of living.

For example, in Roman times, households of multiple families lived together.

They didn’t have security systems. They had each other. In the family structure of the home, the younger, stronger sons would live closest to the front entrance. They were the security systems. By living together, you had security.

Also, they didn’t have healthcare. They had each other to nurture, heal and take care of you if you were sick.

Think of modern day lifestyles.

How easy it is to live independently and never really rely on anyone?

Think of even 30 years ago.

If you were baking cookies and ran out of baking soda. You called the neighbor.

But now - you don’t need anyone - you have same day shipping with Amazon.

If you were struggling processing through something, you talked it out with a friend.

But now - open up chatGPT and start up a conversation with an Ai counselor.

. . . Don’t get me wrong - I love technology. I love advancements. I work with technology leaders. There are amazing breakthroughs happening.

However, there’s a bigger story happening here and we as healthy leaders have a responsibility to keep our eyes up to stay curious in seeing the bigger, more long term impacts of modern day advancements and technology.

Everything has a cost, even innovation. Especially innovation.

And that’s my point with all these examples.

The essence of team, the essence of camaraderie, could be lost.

The thing that elevates our every day lifestyle, that make working so rewarding, that support the execution of all these advancements is drifting into the background.

We’re forgetting where momentum and strength comes from.

Team.

Teammates.

Comrades.

The power of the group.

And this is why this image of elephants’ default response is so beautiful to me - it’s the essence of team.

How inspiring is this image for us as leaders building unshakable teams?

As we step into becoming leaders capable of building camaraderie, the simple invitation today is to remember this vision of elephants.

They're teaching us teams not only accomplish great things together—they build a way of operating that is reliant on the herd sticking together, through good times when things are smooth, and also through times of adversity.

Elephants know one thing we cannot forget—the way through adversity is making sure you're not alone, that you have at least one person behind you protecting your back.

And that starts with you going first.

Be the person to stick around when things get tough.

Be the person to protect someone else’s back while sacrificing your own.

Be the person who goes first in vulnerability in letting someone else have your back,

give you protection,

give you help,

offer you something.

. . . .

Be the person who goes first in thinking of others, sticking around, sticking together.

Be the person who goes first in fighting for team.

. . .

Yes, we may get hurt.

To be honest, I know we will get hurt.

Someone is going to let us down.

Someone is going to choose not to have our back when we need it the most

when we’ve chosen to protect their back.

. . .

But we as leaders are here to set a tone.

We’re not going to wait for someone else to start.

We’re going to be the change we want to see.

We’re going to be the designer of environments we want.

We’re going to go first in choosing to think of others.

. . .

And if we receive that gift back, great.

If not, we’re going to remain patient, persistent with the vision of camaraderie.

. . .

I promise you - there’s going to come a day - when one person joins you.

All in. 100%.

They’re with you.

Things are going to get tough and you’re going to wonder if they’re going to bail.

And they don’t.

You actually see them shift - to have your back.

To have your best interest top of mind.

You feel their focus is on you.

And this moment.

Was worth waiting for.

It’s the essence of team, the essence of camaraderie.

And now

you have an environment. a culture.

Because that’s all it takes. 2 people. to create a culture.

A culture that others can now join.

Slowly, but surely, you’ll introduce a new way of team to people.

In a world of iphone, and complete independence and isolation,

We’re re-introducing the essence of team.

We’re building not just friends, not just new relationships,

we’re building comrades.

We’re showing people what it feels like to have someone that doesn’t leave when things get tough.

We’re showing people the exact opposite. That the way through these hard things is together.

The way to great things, is together.

We’re showing people the possibility of feeling safe and at peace because you have a team around you.

We’re showing people how to dream more boldly because they’re not pursuing their dream or mission alone anymore.

. . .

It makes you think about what could happen.

What could we accomplish together.

In relationship.

. . .

Relationship.

It’s 50% of what makes camaraderie.

And the way we do that 50% matters.

…

How exciting :) What an opportunity in front of us.

…

On that note, that's all for today. I'll see you soon.

and p.s. if you want me to send you a video of elephant herds rallying together to form a circle of safety, click the chat button, and I’ll send it your way.