18 | Dreaded High School Reunion Culture

Welcome back. Today I want to talk about something that might make you cringe a little bit - high school reunions. But stay with me, because this isn't really about reunions at all.

Picture this: You walk into that gymnasium, see people you haven't talked to in years, and suddenly everyone's talking about "the good old days." Remember when we won that game? Remember that teacher we all hated? Remember when...? And for a moment, it feels nice. Nostalgic. Warm.

But then what happens? The night ends, everyone goes their separate ways, and there's zero connection moving forward. No shared mission. No real relationship. Just a brief trip down memory lane with people who see you exactly as you were fifteen years ago - not who you've become.

Here's the thing - this dynamic isn't just happening at actual reunions. It's happening in our teams, our organizations, and even our families. And it's killing our potential for real camaraderie.

I call it "reunion culture" - where there's no sense of mission or purpose, and no sense of relationship or commitment to each other moving forward. It's all about reflecting on what was, with no future alignment.

See, here's what I've learned: camaraderie requires letting go of the past and embracing the present and the future. And camaraderie happens when you have your sights on both future mission AND future relationship working together.

For example, if you’re looking to build true camaraderie on your current team, but have given up on trying to create connection with some of your teammates, colleagues or your boss, and simply focus on the doing good work - you will not create camaraderie. You will create the coworkers culture.

Or if you really connect with your teammates and colleagues, but have lost interest in the mission or purpose of your work, then you will not create true camaraderie. You will create the friends hang out culture.

The point I want to get practical on today is what happens when it seems you have neither relational connection or a shared mission.

Which is what we’re using the dreaded high school reunion analogy for.

Another word to use to describe this quadrant on the matrix is apathy.

Apathy is a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern about things that would normally matter or require attention.

Key characteristics:

• Emotional indifference - not caring about outcomes

• Reduced motivation - little drive to take action

• Withdrawal - disengaging from activities or responsibilities

• Flat affect - showing little emotional response

In workplace contexts (relevant to your team management):

• Employees showing up but not really caring about quality

• Lack of initiative or problem-solving

• Going through the motions without investment

• Not responding to feedback or incentives

Examples:

• A colleague who clocks in but doesn't engage

• Team members who don't speak up about problems they see

• Staff who meet minimum requirements but never go above and beyond

Apathy can be contagious in teams and often signals deeper issues like lack of purpose, poor communication, or feeling undervalued.

And here’s where we’re going to get practical.

If you find yourself in the apathy quadrant. Meaning, you lack interest in the people you work with and the mission you are working towards.

Then lean on this simple framework. Find one person to connect with relationally at work. Reach out, set up a coffee date. Ask for a 15 minute zoom meeting to catch up. Or dare I say just pick up the phone and call to check in personally. Start with one relational connection.

And then make one missional connection. Call your boss and ask for a quick vision conversation. Ask them what they’re excited about. Request that the next staff meeting starts with a reminder of the mission we’re all here for. Or sit and think about the big picture just by yourself for a few moments. Give your mission a chance to live in your own mind. You’re doing important work. And sometimes we get too in the weeds to see the impact we’re making.

Moving from apathy to camaraderie involves 3 minute moments. That’s all. And remember, you’re a leader. Meaning you go first. You are not going to wait around expecting someone to show up at your door to invite to coffee. You reach out first. You take action. You take a step. And what you’ll find is that by going first, you’ll probably discover someone else was needing exactly the same thing you needed.

Let’s move on to how to lead someone else out of apathy.

This involves getting to know them.

What connects with them relationally?

What inspired them about the mission?

And here’s a plot twist I want to throw your way today.

Don’t avoid challenge when it comes to creating camaraderie with those you’re leading.

In other words, avoid just building up the relational aspect of connection. Trust is meant to be leveraged for the mission.

When we just invest in the relational connection with those we lead and work with, we drift into the friends hang out culture.

Remember that mission, challenge, purpose, sacrifice is part of the equation in building camaraderie.

I just had a conversation with a brilliant thirty-year-old - former collegiate athlete, double major, carried massive responsibility in college, top performer in his career. Seven years into his professional life, you know what he was struggling with most?

He told me he felt like his growth as a person was drifting because he couldn't make a mistake. It was impossible. His boss would literally take his work, edit it, tweak it, redo it before delivering it. He wasn't on the hook for anything of substance. No pressure. No real responsibility.

And as a consequence, he wasn't being called up to greatness. He was drifting toward apathy.

Here's what I realized - responsibility isn't just about getting things done. It's about growth. When we over-manage people, when we don't let them carry real weight, we're actually dishonoring who they could become.

So here's your challenge: Look around your team, your family, your sphere of influence.

Are you creating reunion culture - just reminiscing about the good old days with no future alignment? Or are you building camaraderie by learning people's motivation language and connecting with them there?

Start staying curious about the people around you. Stop assuming you know what drives them. Invest the time to build that relational bridge. Then give them real responsibility and challenge them out of belief in who they're becoming.

Because here's the truth - the world doesn't need more reunion culture. The world needs more comrades. People who are both for each other AND with each other, moving toward something bigger than themselves.

That's where the magic happens. That's where teams become legendary. And that's where you become the kind of leader people follow not just because they have to, but because they believe in where you're all going together.

That’s all for today. I’ll see you soon.