14 | Leading Someone Who Leans More Relational

Welcome back. Here's a leadership mistake I see constantly: A mission-focused leader has someone on their team who's relationally motivated, and they try to inspire them the same way they'd want to be inspired - with vision, strategy, and big picture thinking.

The result? That team member feels overwhelmed, maybe even used, like they're just a chess piece on your chess board.

Today I want to show you how to unlock the incredible potential of relationally-driven people on your team. Because here's what I've learned: when relationship people feel truly known and connected, they'll give you the shirt off their back for the mission.

HOW TO FIND YOUR RELATIONAL PEOPLE

Let me start by helping you identify who on your team leans more relational.

Relationally-driven people wake up wanting to feel known, cared for, encouraged, and seen. They're motivated by connection first, mission second.

You'll notice they:

• Ask about your weekend before diving into work topics

• Remember personal details about teammates

• Prefer collaborative work over independent projects

• Light up during team celebrations and social events

• Sometimes seem to need more reassurance and check-ins

Here's the key insight: These aren't weaknesses - they're superpowers waiting to be unlocked.

When relationship people feel connected, they become your most loyal, engaged, and committed team members. But if you only give them vision and strategy without connection, they start to feel like you don't actually care about them as people.

THE CONNECTION

Here's the formula for leading relational people: Connection first, then mission.

Think of it this way - mission-driven people are like rockets. Point them in a direction and they'll blast off independently. Relationship-driven people are like co-pilots. Point them in a direction, and they want to be right there by your side for the entire journey.

This isn't neediness - it's their strength. They want to do the mission with you, not just for you.

Let me give you some practical examples of what this looks like:

In 1-on-1 meetings: Start with genuine personal connection. "How was your weekend? Tell me about that thing you mentioned last week." Spend the first 5-10 minutes really listening, asking follow-up questions, sharing something about yourself too.

When assigning projects: Instead of "Here's your task, go make it happen," try "I'd love for you to work on this project. Can we start by talking through it together? I want to make sure you feel set up for success."

During busy seasons: Don't just pile on the work. Say something like, "I know this is a lot. How are you feeling about everything? What support do you need from me?"

PRACTICAL STRATEGIES

Here are five specific strategies for leading relationship-driven people:

First: Invite them to work closer to you. While you might give mission-driven people independence, relationship people thrive when they feel included in your process. Invite them into planning sessions, ask for their input on decisions, let them see how you're thinking about strategy.

Second: Share more about yourself. Relationship people connect through mutual vulnerability. Tell them what you're learning, what you're struggling with, what excites you about the future. This isn't unprofessional - it's how you build trust.

Third: Create informal connection opportunities. Grab coffee together. Invite them to work out with you. Watch the game together over lunch. These aren't "extra" activities - they're how relationship people charge their batteries.

Fourth: Celebrate them publicly. Relationship people are motivated by feeling valued and seen. When they do good work, acknowledge it in front of the team. Tell specific stories about their contributions.

Fifth: Give them team-oriented roles. Instead of solo projects, give them work that involves collaborating with others, supporting teammates, or building team culture. They'll excel at anything that involves bringing people together.

WHAT TO EXPECT

Here's what happens when you lead relationship people this way:

They become your most engaged team members. They'll stay late not because you asked them to, but because they want to support what you're building together.

They become culture carriers. Relationship people naturally create the kind of environment where everyone feels welcomed and valued.

They become your most loyal advocates. When relationship people feel truly seen and cared for, they'll defend the team and the mission fiercely.

And here's the beautiful part - when they feel that personal connection with you, they'll lean into the mission just as much as you are.

THE COMMON MISTAKES

Let me warn you about three common mistakes:

Mistake #1: Assuming they need less challenge. Relationship people can handle just as much challenge as mission people - they just need to feel supported while they're being challenged.

Mistake #2: Thinking connection is wasted time. Those 10 minutes you spend asking about their weekend? That's not small talk - that's fuel for everything else they'll do that week.

Mistake #3: Only connecting when there's a problem. Don't wait until they're struggling to invest in relationship. Make connection a regular rhythm, not a crisis response.

Call to Action

Here's your challenge: Think about your team right now. Who are the relationship-driven people? You probably already know who they are.

Pick one person. This week, I want you to try one specific thing: Start your next interaction with them in second gear - connection mode. Spend the first few minutes really listening to them as a person before diving into work.

Ask yourself: How can I invite them to work closer to me this week? What's one way I can show them they're valued as a person, not just a contributor?

Remember, when relationship people feel truly connected, they don't just do the work - they become co-owners of the mission. They'll give you their best because they know you see their best.

The goal isn't to manage relationship people - it's to unlock their incredible potential by leading them the way they're wired to be led.