13 | Building Camaraderie One Person at a Time

Welcome back.

Today we’re going to begin the conversation in how to build camaraderie with one person at a time.

Up until now, we’ve covered how the beginning of camaraderie starts with yourself.

Now, we’re shifting into how you can build camaraderie one on one with others.

(and you guessed it - next week we’ll get into how to build camaraderie with your team on larger scales)

This week over the next few sessions I’m excited to empower you with clarity in how to confidently create camaraderie with your people one at a time, in less than a few minutes a day.

There’s two practical things we’re going to cover: how to start and how to continuously build camaraderie.

What I mean by how to start is the beginning of building camaraderie with others is to identify each person’s camaraderie language. In other words, how are they motivated? How do they connect?

In other words, let’s say you led or worked with someone named Emerson. Your first step in building camaraderie with Emerson is to discover what is her camaraderie language? Is it more relational? Or is it more missional. Is she motivated more by higher challenge missional language or by higher invitation relational language? Does she connect more by higher challenge missional language or by higher invitation relational language?

She has both in her, but there’s a slight pull to one side. And if you find that pull, you will be able to connect with her, motivate her, lead her and build camaraderie with her.

The second step once you’ve discovered their motivation language is to keep an ongoing pulse so you know what tiny pivots, or ebbs and flows you can lean into this upcoming week.

Each person needs both mission and relationship. And on any given week, each person you connect with will need one more than the other.

And the key word here is weekly.

I’d encourage you to take ten minutes a week to think about the people on your team or in your family and plot where they are in the matrix.

I do this on napkins when I’m at a coffee shop, or on a flight, but as i’ve practiced this way of thinking more and more - I run through it my head on a walk once a week.

All in all - I go through each person on my team and in my family and friend group and pin point where is our connection through the lens of the camaraderie matrix.

Let me give you a few examples:

• Two weeks ago I plotted one of my colleagues Josh on the matrix and our connection had drifted to the bottom left.

• For a starting point I know he leans more towards mission. He’s one of those people that rallies first on initiatives, goes above and beyond, volunteers to take ownership, shows up well and from those little queus I know he is motivated slightly more around purpose and mission. Once again, this doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about relationship. Everyone has both in them. We’re just looking to discover which side does he lean slightly more towards.

• With this starting point in mind, I also know the context we were in - we had done a bit of shifting in our company and he and i hadn’t worked on anything together and we weren’t in as many meetings so I’d barely seen him. There was a new project i was kicking up and i decided to bring him into it. He was in a bit of a quieter month of work so i knew he had capacity. I saw this as an opportunity to increase missional connection. I brought him into something that had purpose to it. I explained the vision. It did take a second conversation to follow up to get a bit more buy in, but after those two initial conversations, we had a clear and inspiring mission in front of us. Like a mini mission in the grand scheme of the larger company mission.

• And then - this is a perfect example of how small these moments are - he had noticed I was wearing a whoop the week before on a meeting. and we’d connected about the health analytics we’re watching and aiming for. With that in mind - in my camaraderie mind - i saw this is the opportunity to connect relationally. And over the next week whenever we met for this project meeting - i started the meeting with connection around his whoop score, and bringing in some competitive banter around how high his strain was, or how many steps he had gotten.

Do you see the small tiny pivots in this example?

They’re tiny. They don’t take up a lot of time or energy.

All you need is self awareness and a keen eye of observation.

When I know what someone is more motivated around

And I know where they are on the matrix,

I can make tiny adjustments in my week to build 1% more camaraderie this week.

Let’s look at another example - one of my good friends Christen. She and I both lean towards mission. We can jump straight to work and go mode. And we normally do. And knowing this, we’re both self-aware of this. We’ll make sure to get a different type of phone call or connection where we intentionally say - no work talk. Tell me how you’re doing. And this is a call or time we take where we don’t have to rush.

To sum up the key actions in building camaraderie with one person at a time.

Start with knowing them and which side they lean.

Keep a weekly pulse on how they’re doing in relationship to you.

And then make small pivots.

Bringing it back to Christen’s example - right now we’re more in the coworkers quadrant. The last week we got a lot of work done and connected around the mission. My internal camaraderie radar is guiding me to call her and have a friendship call. No work talk. Ask about her. Her kids. Her heart. etc.

And if you haven’t noticed, I want to point out that I’m not the boss. I’m part of this team. and I’m still able to build camaraderie.

Meaning - what we’re talking about this week in building camaraderie 1-1 is how to build camaraderie even when you’re not the leader.

You as the new person on the team have just as much influence as the boss.

There’s no excuse for anyone to not lean into building camaraderie.

Like we’ve covered, each person on your team is motivated just a little

bit more towards either relationship or mission.

Some might be really sitting on that line.

But you should be able to identify what really fires them up.

What motivates them.

Some people on your team want that connection relationally.

They wake up wanting to feel known, cared for, encouraged, seen.

While other people on your team want that clarity of mission.

Where are we going? What’s the mission?

What’s my job? How do I play a part? How am I doing in my part?

Am i contributing? How can I get better?

You can, even if you’re not the leader, figure out how best to connect with those on your team by identifying if connection happens through relationship or shared mission.

For example: the best teammates I’ve personally worked with that I connected the best -

are the ones that inspired me with mission. They’d say things like this to me:

This is the task in front of us. It’s going to be hard. We’re going to be pushed. We’re going to have to go out of our comfort zone, but we can do this. And if we do … this is what will happen . . . dot dot dot.

This is the kind of impact we’ll be making. Do you hear the mission language?

That kind of connection wakes me up.

I’ve had some teammates and bosses that haven’t recognized this matrix,

and they’ve just assumed everyone on their team wants to connect relationally all the time.

They’ll want to talk about what I did over the weekend, ask how i’m doing…  how the family is doing.

and yes,

we all need that to a degree.

But with me personally, if you want to really connect with me, or inspire me, pull the best out of me:

then give me vision, invite me into a mission. That’s how we’ll connect.

But that’s just if you were leading me … and the other mission people.

If our relationally motivated people only heard vision from you, they’d start feeling overwhelmed, and maybe even used, like they’re chess pieces on your chess board.

For those on your team that are more relationally motivated, you’ll see their

best comes out once you’ve connected with them personally,

… when they feel known, heard, listened to.

When you invite them into the mission, give them a very specific task that can be done closely to you.

Your mission people, you can point in a direction and let them run.

Your relationship people, you can point in a direction and still find them next to you ready to be by your side the entire way.

Your Next Step

What you can do next is map out where each team member lands.

Are they more relationally driven?

Or are they more missionally driven?

Based on where they land, now you know how to connect

or work with them best.

The relational ones on your team, invite them in to work closer to you, or spend just a bit more time listening to them.

Share a bit more about yourself with them. Connect with them over the weekend over a football game … or a workout and you’ll see them lean into the mission more!

You’ll see them show up more engaged and bought in because they feel known and seen.

For the mission ones on your team, add in vision to your 1-1s with them.

Share with them what you see down the road.

Send them a book you’re reading and say let’s learn this and apply it.

Feel free to discuss with them your thoughts on strategy and what you’re thinking.

They’ll feel so honored to be invited into how you’re thinking about the mission,

you’ll see them start going above and beyond in engagement in relationships.

Even if you’re not the leader, there are ways for you to have influence on your team in building camaraderie.

That’s all for today. I’ll see you soon.